[panics but not in a disco sort of way]
a comic done by christianne benedict, posted on the womanthology art forum. brilliant!
YES. Jesus, thank you.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had to point out what the audience at conventions actually LOOKS like to people in the industry. They can do signings in a booth full of every kind of person all day long, every color, every size, every orientation and more, and STILL go online and talk about how only white straight males read comics.
IT IS PROFOUNDLY UNTRUE AND INSULTINGLY IGNORANT.
when u tell ppl u love a villain and they get on a high horse about how the villain isn’t some misunderstood special snowflake whos really good deep down
no u dont understand this person is an evil little fuck and i love it
So, there’s a writing advice post going around. I’m not going to link to it for various reasons, but there’s a conversation happening there about women having multiple orgasms being “unrealistic” and how there has to be a specific reason (like an aphrodisiac or something) for it to happen in a fic. I have lots of thoughts about that argument, as you can imagine. Because it isn’t just misunderstanding of how sex works (many women can and do have multiple orgasms all the time); it’s part of a much larger narrative about sex and gender that’s kind of pervasive in our culture.
Because the idea that a woman (or anyone) should only come once is based on a very patriarchal, heterosexist idea that sex has a goal, and that goal is insemination. Which is, unfortunately, what most of us who are lucky enough to get sex ed learn. To a lot of people who don’t know better, sex is over after the participants come (or after someone has ejaculated).
That’s why people laugh so much about “premature ejaculation” (premature relative to what? The implied answer is that if it happens before insemination it’s a failure, and that sex has to stop there. Which is nonsense). We’re taught to believe that sex is an objective-driven activity, and it’s the man’s goal to complete the objective (again, it’s a very heterosexist trope. Also very cissexist).
Even the more relationship-positive iterations of this trope are problematic. Simultaneous orgasm, for instance, gets hyper romanticized, like orgasm is some endpoint you and your partner are supposed to try to achieve together. That’s still a goal-oriented model of sex, which is much less healthy than other models that are more about process/play/sharing an activity instead of trying to reach an objective.
Basically, saying that multiple orgasms are “unrealistic” or have to have special circumstances to explain them doesn’t just get biology completely wrong. It also assumes that sex is a series of steps taken to achieve a final goal (one orgasm per person), and that leaves out so much.
It leaves out multiple orgasms, for a start. But it also leaves out no orgasms. It leaves out people who want to make each other feel good but don’t necessarily need/want to get off. Sex is more than “the stuff people do to have orgasms.” It’s the stuff people do to make each other feel good, the intimacy and connection that it fosters. Saying “sex equals this many orgasms per person” is letting some arbitrary cultural ideology define the relationship between two people (and in this case, if we’re talking about fic writing, between two characters) instead of letting each encounter be authentic to who they are, who they are to each other, what they’re bringing to the relationship on any given day, what they need on any given day.
So, fic writers: write multiple orgasms. Write someone having so many orgasms that they have to spend the next day in bed recovering. Write orgasms that are disappointing. Write orgasms that are different. Write orgasms that are small. Write about sex with no orgasms. Write about somebody eating their partner out until their tongue is ready to fall off and nobody comes and it’s still the best night ever. Write about sex that goes on after ejaculation. Write about sex where someone doesn’t want to come. Write about someone who wants to come without being kissed or touched in certain places and a partner who respects their needs.
And yeah, these stories should all have reasons, but the reasons should be the characters, not some arbitrary rule that “that number of orgasms is unrealistic.” Fuck that noise. Write the sex your characters would realistically have, whatever that looks like, however many orgasms it takes.
how careful i am while doing something dangerous is directly proportional to how stupid i’ll feel trying to explain myself to the ppl at the ER
make me choose:
hannibal/willor rust/marty [asked by anon]